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I am so glad you made it! I hate when we don’t get together.
 
Sorry I was late. But you know me. You want me to show up on time, tell me to be here half an hour early and I might just make it. Did you order yet?
 
No, but I am starving!! Today was nuts and I barely got a break. I am thinking about getting the pasta primavera and an extra large chardonnay. What looks good to you
 
I’m thinking I’d like….ooh, the waiter.
 
Well, naturally there is a waiter. But food?
 
No, smoking hot waiter at 5 o’clock. Mama wants a little bit of that. Oh, shit, here he…um, hi. Yeah, no, I’m not ready to order yet. A couple more minutes? That’d be great. Thanks. Whew, close one. Still hot.
 
Hee, hee, hee! You do know when you say Mama wants a little bit of that, that he probably is young enough to be your…oh never mind. Too depressing.
 
Hey, if he’s old enough to serve alcohol, he’s old enough.
 
Your logic dazzles!
 
Well, I am the Spock of the Cougar set.
 
Oh, good Lord. What does that make me? And if you say Kirk, I will set my phaser to “maximum PMS.”
 
I LOVE William Shatner! Stewie Griffin does a great William Shatner-doing-Rocket-Man. So you’re doing the pasta and Chardonnay thing, huh? Hot waiter is on the way…um, um, um, what do I want?!? Oh, hey, you’re back! Yeah, I’ll have the crab rangoon, beef lo mein, and whatever alcohol you have that goes with that. Thanks. (pause) You going to order then?
 
Crap. Now I’m not sure…yes. I’m getting the pasta primavera with shrimp and a Chardonnay. Make it a half bottle. Thanks. Now, it isn’t that I don’t LOVE Shatner, I just don’t want to BE Kirk. I want to be Zoe on Firefly. So what were you up to this afternoon?
 
Oh, just baking the angry hubby cookies.
 
What the hell are angry hubby cookies?
 
Baking cookies FOR the angry hubby! He’s stressed about work, home, life in general. Sometimes living with him, I think I’m the one who needs the cookies…
 
Perhaps you should put something in the cookies to calm hubby down. Some prozac, or organic herbs of a relaxing nature. Not that I would ever do anything like that. It’s funny that you made cookies because today I made sugar cookies out of a pouch and they were DELICIOUS. It’s a good thing I am eating out with you or I would be home eating them!
 
Well, listen to you, knifeless Lorena Bobbitt! Nothing extra in the cookies. My homebaked chocolate chip cookies come from a slab wrapped in plastic. Like dead cookies from the morgue, reanimated in my oven like zombie snacks. This wine is too good. How’s yours?
 
ZOMBIE SNACKS! I love that! My wine is very relaxing, thank you…What exactly do the zombie snacks do when they get inside you? Ewwww.
 
They don’t do anything in your stomach. Because once you give the zombies snacks, they’re too full to eat living flesh. Just a little tidbit they never tell you in the zombie handbook.
 
Ooooohh! The zombie snacks are FOR zombies. I thought they WERE zombies. Maybe the wine is confusing, not relaxing me. The primavera rocks, though.
 
I’ll have to get that next time. Digging the crab rangoon, though. My glass is empty. Where is that waiter?
 
Call across the restaurant, “Helllooooo? Cute waiter?” I dare you.
 
Helloooooo! Cute…yes, I’d like some more wine, please. Um, what happened to the OTHER waiter? The younger one. Oh, really? His shift is over? No, I don’t need you to come back, just leave the bottle. Thanks.
 
I cannot believe you just did that. Maybe your waiter was turned into a zombie. And he’s out looking for snacks.
 
Damn. I should have brought cookies.
 
I suppose I should get back to the house. Everyone here is looking at me funny.
 
You’re just being paranoid. What did you put in YOUR cookies?
 
Ask Betty Crocker, she made the damn mix. And no, people here really do seem to think it is weird that I am eating, laughing out loud to myself and tapping away at my keyboard, muttering. Shoot, that is strange.
 
See, I’m not getting that here. I think me yelling across the restaurant at the waiter already scared them off.
 
Well done, you, then. I’ll send you an email to catch you up with the rest of my day. I miss talking to you in person! We should live closer together.
 
I miss seeing you, too! Thank God for virtual chats. Next time, we implement waiter webcams. What do you think?
 
I think I will need to pick next week’s restaurant according to waiters and not the menu.
 
So, log-in at 7:00 p.m. again next week? At least we’re in the same time zone!
 
If the zombies don’t get me, I’ll connect with you then! But maybe YOU”D better make it 6:30! Love!
 
Love back! Over and out.
 
(And 400 miles apart, the laptops close…)
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